Babies

I have 2 kids. I've always wanted 3 kids. In May 2008 I found out I was pregnant with my third, July 7, 2008 I had a miscarriage. It was a week and a half after my Dad died. It took me months to forgive myself. I kept thinking that it was my fault, my body did something wrong. I thought that I would never had another baby, it just wasn't in Gods' plans for us. While I was at my Grannys' funeral I saw a newborn. My cousins wife had a baby girl. Our babies were due a day apart. I couldn't help but think that my baby would be the same age as her baby girl. It was more painful than I could imagine. I want to hold a baby and smell it and hear those little noises that newborns make. I have this nagging feeling that my family isn't complete. Here's the problem...My husband doesn't want another baby. Actually he says he's on the fence. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels so now what do we do? If I don't have another child will I always regret it and end up resenting him in 5 years? If we have another child will he end up resenting me in 5 years? I don't know what the answer is. I'm going to pray alot and I'm going to try and let it go, things will work out the way they were meant to.

Granny

They say every family has a matriarch - the lady behind the scenes that keeps everyone in line. That was my Granny. My father's mother. She gave birth to 9 children - 9! While they didn't have a lot of money, actually they didn't have any money when my Dad was a little boy my Granny had enough love to go around. It sounds like an old cliche but it's true. My Dad was the oldest boy raised on a farm in TN. My Pa was never one to work much so it fell to my Dad pretty early on to take care of the garden or the family wouldn't have anything to eat all winter. That's a pretty big task for a 9 year old boy. I can't imagine. My Dad and my Granny learned to work as a team. Granny would tell him when things needed to be planted and how to do it and my Dad would go out and do all the work. I'm sure my Granny helped when she could but don't forget that she had 8 other kids to look after. Two years after my Dad was born she had twins and then approximately every 2 years she had another baby. My Dad eventually grew up and moved to the big city to get a job and sent money back to Granny whenever she needed. My Dad retired when he was only 48 and immediately moved back to TN to live near Granny. He took care of her as long as he could.
I can't imagine what life has been like for my Granny, especially these last few years. My Pa died in 1991 and since then my Granny had to bury 3 of her children, the latest being my Dad. My Granny passed away last Thursday and I will forever miss her quiet strenght but I know that she was ready to go. I hope she has found eternal rest with the her children and husband.